cesoura

abt the apcsp, idk if i ever actually passed since i bullshitted my way through. i probably got a 2 LMFAO im never taking an ap class ever again

anyway, over the summer i diddd... *drumroll* absolutely nothing !! i binge watched kimi ni todoke. I ALSO HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW? an online one. a.. discord boyfriend. but at least he doesn't live an entire ocean away (but he's across the country so im not gonna be able to see him in real life anytime soon)
i love him a lot, he makes me really happy. i love how hes not ABUSIVE! (my standards are below the floor) he's really patient and doesn't mind that im slow and i struggle to understand thingsss, he doesnt yell at me ^^ ive heard him yell before (gamer boyfriend asmr) and it was kinda scary but thats just me not liking when voices are raised in an angry tone. another thing is we watch movies and the website he uses loads 30928394792 and buffers for 2389329080 even more seconds and he starts getting frustrated and i start getting scared hes gonna get angry at me for whatever reason. yeahh, my last ex fucked me up... anyways we started dated around a month ago and im really happy.

im in 11th grade now! time to figure out how scholarships work and look into colleges and figure out what i actually wanna do with my life. i know i want to do something with art, but im not sure what. art has always been something i really like,, i have to get on the art grind. ive been on art block for 8 months. i miss pumping out art.

im pretty happy with my schedule this year. for some reason, our school decided to implement block scheduling and fall break on the same year. but at least i have one semester of math! technically, after this math class i dont have to step into a math class ever again but i wanna take dual enrollment next year so... college math here we go!!
also, what the actual fuck is going on in my school? we're on the 4th week, right? there have been SO MANY FIGHTS. and in one i think there was a gang involved...?

it happened in the cafeteria, ofc there was a fight. you see students crowding around the fight going "OOO!!" and i heard a loud bang (i still have no idea what that was??) and somebody yelled that somebody else yelled that they had a gun and suddenly all of the students were running away from the fight, blabla... i went to my lunch table and i was like "wtf happened" and theyre all like "we dont know"
they LOCKED US IN THE CAFETERIA?? people were going outside and running away. then they dismissed us and everyone was going crazy, another fight happened down the hallway. there was blood on another hallway and it was closed. it was the route me and my friend had to take to get to class, so since it was closed - we took a different route.
when we got to class we were put on soft lockdown until the day was over. someone went to the hospital and 6 students (football players) were arrested. anyway, the next two days we had to go through metal detectors and now my school wants to get rid of metal water bottles/scissors/3-ring metal binders since the metal detectors delay students getting to class.

im taking anatomy this year and my teacher is silly. he writes dad jokes on the board everyday. its a lot of memorization (im trying. i should study) but the class is silly. two of my friends are in that class and i can talk to most people in there.

my second class is precal and i dont have any friends in it. i dont like asking teachers for help for various reasons, so im thinking "man... not only am i lonely, i wont have anyone to help me when im having trouble." and then BAM! my boyfriend is good at math, so he can help me. so far its okay, since its just algebra 2 (for now), buttttt i should probably ask him for help soon. im getting a weensie bit slumped, and we're literally just doing factoring

my third class is baking/pastry. i took culinary last year with the goal of being in a class with my bestfriend the next. and now im in a class with him!!!!!!! weve been friends since elementary school (over 7 years) and i absolutely love seeing him everyday

last class is sociology and ive been reunited with a teacher i had my freshman year. shes really cool!!!

thats what this semester is gonna be like. next semester, i know i have a class with one friend. its gonna be US history/english/tourism and hospitality (thats the class i didnt pick but ill accept it)/baking & pastry

one thing id change is tourism and hospitality (why did they put me in that class when i wanted to be in art? hello? what are u thinking????) but if i were to change that class, it probably wouldve fucked up my entire schedule and ion want that

anyways, that is the update! my fingies hurt

last week, i cried in class. at the end of the period my teacher asked if i was alright and i was like "no this project is really stressful and i dont understand what im doing" and then the next day she had a senior help me with it. it was nice, i finally got my project to actually work. the one thing its missing (which is a required element....) is a parameter, but i have no idea how to use them. "use your sources!" says teacher, i do! its not helping! you skimmed through it!!

im almost done with the create pt, but honestly im just bullshitting my way. ill get at least one point out of six, which is fine. i dont care, i dont care, i dont care. do i care? idk, ill be disappointed in myself but as long as i pass the actual class ill be fine. i dont need ap (airhorns) i will no longer take ap courses! i can do it, but i dont want to anymore. idk why i chose an ap computer class but whatevs. i will stay in my honors pool where i feel safe and sound


i dont understand anything thats happening in chemistry. ive always hated my chemistry teachers way of 'teaching.' he literally doesnt teach. he just goes over the basic and then makes us do 146287498 point a click sites for easy 100s. theyre not helpful. nothing in that class is helpful, and other students in my class barely understand anything he teaches. i have an A in that class but thats literally just because i turn in my work. nothing i do clicks maannnnn

i also got an F for the first time ever in that class. but it's probably an F i didn't deserve, i know i didnt do that bad on a test. i missed it the day of because i was on a field trip, so i had to make it up the next day. it said my score was a 31/100 but i didnt even take the test. its fine the year is almost over and honkai star rail is almost realeasing

after two attempts, i think i finally found an app for my PT that might ACTUALLY WoRK!!!! HOLY BALLS FINALLYYY SHDIOCBND

my first idea was to do like,,, user types in a year, and it shows a USSS album from that year. i love USSS, so i was kind of excited to go through with it. in practice, i did not know what i was doing. there was a lot of potential if/then statements, and it kind of sucked having it show up on the screen. it wouldn't let me. i absolutely hate filtering, i dont understand it. but thats OKAY! after this project, i think im like.. basically done with csp for the year. excluding the final exam, i know that we'll do a lot of practice tests to prepare for the exam, which is really nice!! last year i took AP HUG, and the way we studied for the final exam was like - one test for each unit. which was like, seven tests i think? it was kind of helpful, but because everything was separated - idk how much it helped when i actually took the exam. i think my final score was a 3? idk

but with how my csp teacher is going abt this, its everything in one test, not separate ones. it helps more. i have no faith that ill do well, i dont really study at all and theres... not much to study. we stopped taking notes and i dont even know why i chose to do an AP class. i dont know why i chose to do one AGAIN. loll its silly. but its cool! its nice to know that when it comes to ap, im average in those classes. im an honors student but i wish i could take CP classes but i need to live up to the expectation of my parents saying im their smartest child. they want me to get good grades, (mainly my dad) so i can potentially get a shit ton of scholarships and not have to pay for college and because ill be smart and wealthy i can give them a good life when they grow old. which - ma, papa ----- HUH??????/ im sorry please lower ur standards. plus, YOU LITERALLY HAVE PROPERTY IN MEXICO???

i have no idea what my parents will do when we (me n my siblings) move out. they could sell our property and go back to mexico, but my brothers probably wont be able to visit them. me and my sister can. idk if theyll actually do that
man i love my parents

BACK TO AP CSP the idea i have for the project right now is like. pick tea: bitter, sweet, or mild. then it spits out a random tea based on what the user put. thats it. no typing, just picking. ive given up w the "determine two calls" because im not sure what id do w that. i dont want to make it complex, so ill be risking one or two points. out of 6............ ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idc anymore. i just want an app that works. i plan on finishing it today or tomorrow, will update on how it turns out

currently working on my english essay. again , not rlly sure what im doing ! thats fine tho. i dont think shes gonna grade it harshly, because the way weve been doing the essay is weird. we finsih reading othello, do some afterwords activity to understand it better i guess. then we work on the introduction for the essay - which was like its own miny lesson ?? it took two days to finish it. the next day, we looked at body paragraphs. she gave us a paper with an upsidedown trian - am i even remembering this right????
actually, i think the upside down triangle was for the introduction. it did take two days to do the introduction, but we mainly used it to go over thesis statements. the next day she wasnt there and we had to turn in our theses (???) to the student aide ...

anyway, she gave us notes for body paragraphs and was like "alright, we'll do this tomorrow." and again, she was not there. that was friday. the upcoming week/end was spring break, so two people i know were talking about how she was grading our essays. i know a 'good' student should finish the essay, but there's a loophole in the system. she never mentioned having to work on the conclusion. again, its spring break.

"how is she gonna grade this?"
"she might forget"
"nah, i talked about this with her yesterday. she mentioned that she'll be grading based off of completion."

idk how much i trust that statement bc she really does NOT seem to be the type of person to do that. but its just kinda silly i suppose LOL i dont know if we'll be working on completing the essay or if shes hoping (and praying, manifesting) that we finish the essay. honestly i dont think she has high hopes for us. for an honors class, we're pretty lazy students. i know i am. no way am i touching the conclusion

conclusions are harder for me to do, too. analyzing quotes is fine but i struggle trying to put what i wanna say into words. like, its there i know what im trying to say but i just find it hard to commit and put it in coherent words

im hungry